A Mental Ass Kicking!
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How many of you are dealing with anxiety daily?
For me, it is getting to the point that my wife and I have determined that I need to make some changes in my life. We were sitting at the table talking about our days, as we usually do, and got onto the subject of me. We started looking at the way my current daily life is affecting our relationship and how it is affecting me personally.
I have always been my own worst critic, and I am not one to admit defeat easily. The last few months I have been dealing with anxiety and mental issues a lot more. Last night, while talking with my wife, a realization brick hit me. I know I am not getting any younger, even though my mind likes to think that I’m still 20. My ADHD makes my day hard to start with. Now I am dealing with a level of anxiety that I never really dealt with before.
I tried facing this demon head on, but in the end, it is kicking my ass. It has me “gun shy” as people say, in the sense that I have no confidence in what I do anymore. I used to be all in, jump in and let’s get this job done. Now, I’m like a rookie, standing around waiting for guidance, second guessing every move I make. I have found myself asking for help on things that I NEVER would have asked for help with in the past.
The bad part is, I love what I do. I enjoy my job, but the environment has made it almost unbearable. With my anxiety already up, and then people talking shit all day every day, I am having serious issues dealing with it mentally. The hardest part for me is that I was raised to never quit, never back down, never let other people defeat me. And up until last May, that was how I lived. I did not let life defeat me and saying “I can’t” was never an option for me.
A little back story, last May I was working a tractor-trailer fire. I got into a situation where I knew I was in harm’s way (which is like 75% of my job honestly), but the laws of movement told me that I should be fine positioned the way I was. Long story short, the metal that we were trying to manipulate had other plans, didn’t follow the laws of movement, and almost took off the end of my thumb.
Now the doctors were able to get it back together, with some nerve damage. I was back to work in the office the next day. A week later I was back helping with a different…
